|
March 24, 2005And dream I do...[Small simple safe place]I had this really weird dream last night. I'm not going to go into great detail, but I was in this school,
that looked like North, but I don't think it was. And I was walking down the hallway, and all the doors were closed except
for this one at the end of the hallway. I walked in and sat down at the one desk sitting in the middle of the room. There
were chalkboards on all 4 walls with no windows and the door vaporized into a wall itself, turning into a chalk board, too.
Then like, all these people, in *cringe* clown suits came out and started chanting something in latin. Then this one guy,
grabs me and takes me into this dark room and rapes me. I go back out to the room and everyone is there like nothing is wrong,
and they're all sitting at their desks paying attention to the teacher. I head for the door and run out. The same clown
that raped me is waiting for me outside, he takes me by the wrist and leads me down the hallway to this other room. He kisses
me, and is about to take off his mask when, I wake up
*5 minutes later* [Recap about 3 minutes
of the dream] And it turns out to be this guy, a senior, who goes to my school. He tells me he "loves me" and that "we're
ment to be together" so when I try to run away, I fall down and he comes and stands over me, and says "If you don't love me,
you'll never love anyone else again." And then he starts stabbing me over and over again, and I beg him to stop but he keeps
scream at me "TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!!!" And just before he's about to stab me in the heart, my alarm goes off.
[Rise awake and carry me with all of my regrets. This is not a small cut that scabs and dries and flakes and
heals, and I am not afraid to die. I'm not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight. I want the pain of payment.]That's why I don't sleep anymore. I havn't had a good night's sleep since saturday, when the 'incident' happened.
But I can't tell anyone. No one. I just can't it's too much to tell and too much to do. They'll find out eventually, but
only when it's too late for them to save me. I tried to die once, but now it's going to happen for real.
March 23, 2005 Ugh, sleeping sucks[I'll take you over if you let
me]Well, yesterday was sorta interesting. Classes were boring (as usual) and lunch was exciting
(also as usual.) We jacked Andy's chips and passed them around. That was the first time in my life, an angry fat man came
running at me. *eyes widen* [My broken heart just has no use]
It's
been difficult lately. I'm really deticating myself to the site and my parents have been wailing on me for spending so much
time on the computer. Screw 'em.[Just let me go...]
March 21, 2005 Ms.
Laux is a bitch
Ugh, public humiliation sucks. Ms. Laux is determined to kill the reputation and
dignity that I have left. She made me cry. In class. I hate her. She sould burn and rot in hell. NYAH!
[You've managed to break me. Congratulations.]
But other than that, it was
all good. Took me cans in for the food drive in ROTC, and then went to Spanish. Turns out that over the long weekend, some
stuph got stolen from my teacher's room, and she's all pissed.
[I won't live on all your mistakes.]
Geometry was cool. Talked to Sam for like, a whole 3 seconds. We were both pretty tired, so there wasn't much
to talk about. We were poking each other trying to stay awake, but other than that, not much was exciting.
[I bite my tounge and vein again, just letting it all just sink in.]
How much more
idiotic can I look in front of the seniors?
|
